A Fearsome Beauty: Watching Me

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Watching Me

I know, I tend to brood over the rough things, the worrisome things. I don't mark and carry with me the good things, and I think I'm hardly alone in that. It seems that joy and vitality slip too quickly from memory, while sadness and doubt lumber heavily to the very edge of forgetting, where they linger for far too long.

But there are good things. Here's my doofus watching me, pining for me from the other side of the window yesterday. He gets to me, he just does.

And here's yesterday's stunning red sun falling off the horizon, through the fog and rain, sinking far too quickly for my camera to capture. I was captured by it, though.

I'm changing the name of this journal.

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About This Journal

I began this journal to think through my experience with a mare I bought in 2004, after years away from riding, and then my start-over with a gelding I acquired in 2009. The one horse shook my confidence as a rider; I hoped to rebuild it with the other. I eventually gave back the horse I thought could help me overcome my anxiety and there before me stood again the horse with whom I choked in the first place.

It sounds like I traveled in a circle, yet not only did I change, but in 2010 I bought another horse, a kind, affectionate Appendix mare who seemed to fall from the sky. "Third time's a charm," they say. It was true for me in love, now let it be true in horses.

I strive to write truthfully about fear, doubt and tension, among other things, difficult subjects to talk about without being self-serving or cheaty. But I tend to dig deep (though it may be little more than scab picking). If you can relate to what I'm talking about, you're welcome to read along and comment whenever you like. Thanks for visiting.