A Fearsome Beauty: They Linger

Friday, July 9, 2010

They Linger

The festival I work for opens tomorrow. We call the seven days before opening day Hell Week. The population in the park swells from an off-season high of 10 or 15 staff to 1,500 contracted participants during a relentless, breathless ingress of RVs, tents, animals and people, hundreds of people. We hook our radios on our hips to manage the torrent, working until we can't work anymore. After this frenzy, opening day unfolds.

Thousands of guests pour through the gates. Images long familiar to me captivate them.

For me, it is the echo of horses everywhere and how much I miss my own.

I glimpse horses here and there every day during Hell Week -- pass by rehearsals, see the huge trailers moving slowly down our winding back roads, hear the neighing of circuit horses anxious to settle in. I have horses too, I think to myself, fussing at that silly, irritating feeling of being left out, of wanting to be part of what I'm missing. This is where my horses came from, this temporary world of other times, other places where people pay to escape, but which reminds me today of the world I'm longing to get back to, the one where my horses linger.

3 comments:

Once Upon an Equine said...: Ah, I haven't been to a Renaissance Festival in years and years. Hmm? I should go this year. Good luck with the crowds. What kind of work do you do at the festival? Do you dress up?; July 9, 2010 at 10:33 AM
Beth said...: I know the heartache well. I see horses riding down the trail in front of my house and think the same things. "I should be out there." "Hey I have a hose too!"

Even just riding at the barn I still feel on the outside as everyone else is going for trail rides and driving off the property. I feel like I have training wheels on.

We'll get there though. I know we will!; July 9, 2010 at 5:50 PM
E said...: Oh that picture of J. - you have shown it to me before. What a stunning photo.

I am looking forward to seeing you tonight at the barn. Glad to have you back from Hell week!; July 14, 2010 at 10:15 AM

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About This Journal

I began this journal to think through my experience with a mare I bought in 2004, after years away from riding, and then my start-over with a gelding I acquired in 2009. The one horse shook my confidence as a rider; I hoped to rebuild it with the other. I eventually gave back the horse I thought could help me overcome my anxiety and there before me stood again the horse with whom I choked in the first place.

It sounds like I traveled in a circle, yet not only did I change, but in 2010 I bought another horse, a kind, affectionate Appendix mare who seemed to fall from the sky. "Third time's a charm," they say. It was true for me in love, now let it be true in horses.

I strive to write truthfully about fear, doubt and tension, among other things, difficult subjects to talk about without being self-serving or cheaty. But I tend to dig deep (though it may be little more than scab picking). If you can relate to what I'm talking about, you're welcome to read along and comment whenever you like. Thanks for visiting.