Here She Is

Through the window of my apartment at the fair I hear all night the ceaseless rush of the interstate. It sounds like the ocean to me. The ocean makes me think of travel and travel makes me think of time. Slightly less than a year ago, I wrote my first entry in this journal. I was poised for change, and change I got, just not in any way I expected.

It my was deciding to let go of Scout that prompted me to reach for words back then. She was the horse I got after two decades' absence from the riding life. Right place, right time, little thought. I acted based on what I remembered of my long-ago horse times, not based on who I was then, all those years later. So, Scout was the horse I got.

Dar was the horse I wanted. I've written of my lust for him, my crazed infatuation with the hope of him. I chose not to keep him. Even so, it took the summer to reconcile myself to the loss I felt.

This is my new horse. She is the horse I need. I'm proud of myself to have realized it.

One led to the next and the next led to her. I settled deep into the saddle and understood.

I've named her Saxony. There's a touch of elegance behind her sweetness.

Thanks to my friend Kari for taking pictures I was oblivious to in the moment but am so grateful for now.