Astride her today, sitting bareback and still, it seemed I could see 360 degrees around us, and if the 365-day year since I got her were also a circle, I felt I could see almost all of it too, with imperfect but practical vision. It was that kind of day, that kind of hour being back on my mare.
I could detail how it looked, my panoramic view of the year, but I don't think it matters. You live things, they upset you, and then you move on. In the end, you do. I've been through two crazy barns, some ripping heartache and some rage. Big deal. "Through" is the operative word. I can't mine much more from it than that. Only that it would help to know while you're in it that you'll always get through it, but that kind of wisdom proves elusive in times of crisis.
I know I lost moments, though. I could sense the empty spaces of them black and hollow at the periphery of the view from her back. My mare is a year older. I'm a year slower. Someone else had to protect her because I couldn't break free of work. The whole summer I worried, all the while freighting ever more gratitude upon the shoulders of my watchful friend. That was so hard. I can't say in words the toll of it, worrying about an animal you love, one you own. I felt I let her down. I have to say that.
8 comments:
Congratulations being back on/with your mare. Enjoy NOW and don't look back. Your riding her now and with her now. Hooray!
oops...I meant "you're" duh!
Glad you're back!
I know what it feels like, worrying about animals you love, while they, living in the here and now as they do, don't get tormented by worry at all. They're just happy to see you when you're back!
For some reason good horsepeople always have their ponies in the back of their minds. I suspect it's because horses take so much more physical care than our other critters we share space with...so we naturally just think about them more.
I feel guilty about not being around my household crew when I'm gone, but I worry and fret a lot more about the horses if I'm not able to check on them. I never feel like I can trust anyone else to 'see' if there is a problem (even though, of course, I should).
I so hear you on feeling the passage of time slipping by. That can be the hardest thing of all.
You have real perspective and now that you are back astride Saxony, cast your eyes to the year ahead. I hope it is filled with wonderful times shared with Saxony.
You've made it through to now! Now is a wonderfully joyous time , upon Saxony, she and you will face tomorrow together. Together you two also can look back at will to see how far you've home, the triumphs of survival. You ha,ve not let her down now...it is now, and that was then. A different country, where we don't speak the language well.
You revel in your now~ and walk calmly, confidently into the next chapter of the ongoing story.
XO
KK
Welcome back!
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